June 30, 2003

6/30/03

Written by Josh Rynne

MAYDOGMA.com

“So It Has Been Written, So It Shall Be Done”

Well, my dear readers, it seems that my columns are having more of an impact than I initially expected. We all remember our friend from Alabama writing to educate me on the technological advancements that have taken place in her fine state. Now we’ve taken it to a new level.

Last Wednesday, the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) announced it would begin searching file-sharing programs and filing lawsuits against people sharing “significant” amounts of illegal music. In an effort to “scare the bejesus” out of mp3 swappers, the RIAA has announced that is finally “getting tough” about illegal music.

I’m shaking in my boots…

Now, this story wouldn’t even really concern me that much if it weren’t for the fact that it smacks of something VERY familiar. I refer you back to my article written on April 8, 2003 entitled “War Is Music to My Ears” describing a fictitious motion in Congress to fund the war in Iraq with mp3 fines. And the potential lawsuits mentioned by the RIAA are accompanied by severe fines of $750 -- $10,000 per illegal mp3. This is a far cry from the $0.05 fine I invented. But the concept is still the same.

The RIAA claims it is trying to cut down on the illegal file-swapping that is supposedly causing a three-year CD sale slump. Maybe they should start focusing on the fact that the music coming out these days BLOWS (most of it, anyway) and that no one is willing to pay $16 for 45 minutes of crappy tunes.

I don’t like how the RIAA blatantly STOLE my idea. What? They think they can just go online and get what they want for FREE? Ludicrous. I ought to file a lawsuit against them for stealing my idea! That would teach them. Hell, at least my fine suggestions were reasonable! Even if you were to pay the minimum $750 per song, that amounts to a $375,000 for sharing just 500 songs. And we know that most people have well above that amount. And if the RIAA files “thousands” of lawsuits like it says it will, that’s at least $375 million. They can put that well-earned money back into the record companies’ pockets so they can keep churning out more albums by Justin Timberflake and some 8 year old kid from France.

I can’t wait for this whole thing to blow up in the RIAA’s face. What other industry SUES its customers in order to boost sales? Can you imagine if you were sued by Major League Baseball for littering because you dropped a peanut shell on the ground at the ballpark? And just imagine if you were fined for each shell you dropped! Or how about if McDonalds sued you each time you spilled ketchup on their tables? Yeah, that would be SURE to bring in the crowds. Or if Lexus sued you because you decided not to pay $60,000 for their luxury sedan and bought a Ford Taurus instead. Truth is, that wouldn’t fly.

And it appears that the RIAA’s shenanigans aren’t working that well either. Granted they have yet to file a lawsuit (at least no public ones were available at the time of writing this article), but traffic on file-sharing services such as Kazaa and Morpheus weren’t phased. For the RIAA who might not be hip to that tune, let me interpret: that’s a middle finger right in your face.

This is truly an exciting time we’re living in. The downfall of the major record labels is right around the corner. The lowly music consumers will soon consolidate their power and overcome! Ah, Marx would be proud… And we owe it all to the pioneering Napster. Somebody should give the kid that programmed it a medal. Or a cookie. All we have left to do it wait and see. I’m going back to downloading some music. So what if it is the Jewel CD? That’s “None of Your Business.”

Josh Rynne is a recent graduate of the Mendoza College of Business at the University of Notre Dame. He will soon join the ranks of able-bodied minions in the working world, but until that day, he will continue to whine and complain about things that don’t go his way, like slow download speeds on Kazaa, for instance. You may contact him at josh@maydogma.com.

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