Tales of a 3rd-tier wedding guest:
(in honor of Josh's wedding)


You can’t have a good wedding without pit stains…


Apparently, beer and wine DO mix…Thanks a lot, you lying bastards!


The greatest wedding band ever would play every song ‘polka-style,’ just to piss everyone off…


Speaking of bands, I always have to resist the urge to punch the church’s trumpet player in the face…


Seriously, why aren’t I living in Florida? Between the beaches, the weather, the golf, the no-traffic highways, their Stanley Cup championship, and the shirtless, long-bearded bum pushing a shopping cart I saw outside the church, I can’t find one negative to living down there…


The Best-man used the pharse “sex machine” in his toast, thus making it the “Best Best-Man’s Toast” Ever!!


Maydog’s 3 Favorite Movies that Involve a Wedding: 1)”Good Fellas.” 2) “The Wedding Singer.” 3) “E.T.”


When I get married, (HA! Like that’s ever happening…I mean, have you seen my website photo? I look like a mule…And not one of those fancy well-kept, ‘Juan Valdes’-esque mules either…One of the worker mules…I mean, let’s face it, the only way I’m getting married is with alcohol; lots of alcohol…Tons of alcohol…We’re talking Boris Yeltsin/Dudley Moore levels here…The girl would have to be soooo drunk that, when faced with the choice of marrying me or marrying a nice potted plant, her vision would be too impaired to tell the difference, and she’d STILL think she was marrying the plant and not me…Fucking potted plant…Think you’re so good with your leafs and your needing to be watered…God don’t me started on that jerk…UGH…)

(Oh hey now, let’s start over, shall we?)


When I get married, I want my groomsmen to dress like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…


And finally, thank you to Josh and Colleen for inviting me to Florida for the wedding and giving me an excuse to call in sick to work when I’m not really sick. Guys, thanks for the best polio I’ll ever have…

Labels: Verse of Maydogma