Wednesday, December 22, 2004
A verse of MAYDOGMA
Tales of a last minute mall shopper:
I’m one of those guys who doesn’t clean the snow off the top of my car. That’s right…I’m the asshole.
The most underrated part of holiday shopping Part I: Being able to buy something incredibly stupid for yourself and claiming it’s a present for someone else. For example, I saw a framed 8x10 picture of the Olsen Twins a few days ago. Any other time of the year, the clerk would look at me like I’m some such of pedophile and call the cops; but now: “Um, yeah, it’s for my nephrew.”
Why does the food at the mall always smell so good?
(I mean, who doesn’t love mall food? And how ‘bout those food stands that only exist in malls? Sabarro. Hagen Das. NY Pretzel Company. Where else can you find these places?)
Is it just me or did Fight Club just destroy all of IKEA’s business? I don’t think I saw one person go in there.
I'm always intrigued by phase "As seen of T.V.", even though these products are usually absolute crap...
My least favorite store at the mall? GNC, mostly because of the pathetic commission based counter guy who’s all over you like a Swedish whore from the moment you walk into the store. Go away; I’m fine; if I need your help, I’ll ask for it.
The most underrated part of holiday shopping Part II: When I’m walking back to my car and some car is following me to take my parking space, since the lot is so damn crowded. So I start walking really slow, just to piss off the woman in the car. And I take my time getting my keys out and putting my packages in the trunk. And sometimes, I go down to the wrong aisle just to throw her off. Try this some time; it’s really fun.
(Wow, I’m evil.)
And finally, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: Nothing is more depressing than walking into the mall where you spent most of your high school afternoons…and having to look at the map to find out where all the stores are. Suddenly, I feel like I’m 100 years old. And now, I’m all bitter and resentful…Fuck you all…
(The holidays…Full of good cheer. Yay!)
I’m one of those guys who doesn’t clean the snow off the top of my car. That’s right…I’m the asshole.
The most underrated part of holiday shopping Part I: Being able to buy something incredibly stupid for yourself and claiming it’s a present for someone else. For example, I saw a framed 8x10 picture of the Olsen Twins a few days ago. Any other time of the year, the clerk would look at me like I’m some such of pedophile and call the cops; but now: “Um, yeah, it’s for my nephrew.”
Why does the food at the mall always smell so good?
(I mean, who doesn’t love mall food? And how ‘bout those food stands that only exist in malls? Sabarro. Hagen Das. NY Pretzel Company. Where else can you find these places?)
Is it just me or did Fight Club just destroy all of IKEA’s business? I don’t think I saw one person go in there.
I'm always intrigued by phase "As seen of T.V.", even though these products are usually absolute crap...
My least favorite store at the mall? GNC, mostly because of the pathetic commission based counter guy who’s all over you like a Swedish whore from the moment you walk into the store. Go away; I’m fine; if I need your help, I’ll ask for it.
The most underrated part of holiday shopping Part II: When I’m walking back to my car and some car is following me to take my parking space, since the lot is so damn crowded. So I start walking really slow, just to piss off the woman in the car. And I take my time getting my keys out and putting my packages in the trunk. And sometimes, I go down to the wrong aisle just to throw her off. Try this some time; it’s really fun.
(Wow, I’m evil.)
And finally, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: Nothing is more depressing than walking into the mall where you spent most of your high school afternoons…and having to look at the map to find out where all the stores are. Suddenly, I feel like I’m 100 years old. And now, I’m all bitter and resentful…Fuck you all…
(The holidays…Full of good cheer. Yay!)
Labels: Verse of Maydogma
# posted by Bryan
